Parker: This is it; you’ve won – now what are you going to do?

And so you did. Win.

The reason I knew you wouldn’t do most of what you promised is, one, my b.s. detector is from the same Queens DNA as yours (via my paternal grandmother, who was quite a dame, by the way). Two, you logically or legally can’t do much of it. Three, you’re Donald Trump, which is synonymous with “whatever works.”

Good luck with all that

So the anger was a ruse. The promises were slogans. The nasty rhetoric was juice for the base. Not your best moment, Mr. President-elect. And, frankly, not your best timing. You may have missed the coincidence, but the very day that the Electoral College officially affirmed your victory, the world exploded. One after another, whether connected or not, possible terrorists staged attacks in three countries.

In Ankara, a former Turkish cop assassinated Russia’s ambassador to Turkey, shouting “Remember Aleppo.” In Berlin, a commercial truck crashed through the Christmas market, killing at least a dozen people and injuring dozens more. In Zurich, a gunman entered a Muslim prayer center attended mostly by Somalis and opened fire, wounding at least three people.

Naturally, you immediately characterized the attack in Ankara as being perpetrated by a “radical Islamic terrorist,” which may be likely given his shout of “Allahu akbar,” but you do realize that as president, you’re going to have to wait for the facts before commenting? Meanwhile, the assassination is being characterized as a prompt for the U.S. and Russia to form an alliance in the fight against terrorism. Voila. Just what Putin and Trump have been angling for.

Anyway, you can now start hanging with Putin. Just don’t look into his eyes, which, apparently, can make you think he has a soul. (It’s an old KGB trick.) You’ll have to figure out how to handle the Vlad and his other pal, Syrian President Bashar Assad. I’m not feeling the love triangle here, but you’re the magician.

Maybe you can convince them that it’s better to kill terrorists than children. Maybe you and Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim can cut an immigration deal and build a succulent, spiny hedge along the southern border. And just maybe, you and China can renegotiate a trade deal — maybe swap a few resorts for Smithfield Foods, Ingram Micro, General Electric Appliance Business, to name a few of the top American companies Chinese firms now own.

Good luck with all that. As I said, welcome to hell. And, since you’ve said it’s OK, Merry Christmas. (P.S. Stop tweeting!)

Peace/KP