SPOKANE — Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear?
Since its peak last April, the controversial question spread around social media like wildfire, receiving thousands of responses from women on what they’d choose — and criticism from those who missed the point.
The majority of women chose bear, bringing attention to the sad reality of how prevalent sexual assault is among women.
“The story itself brings awareness to the feelings of women and sparks a really important conversation of the safety, or I would say, lack of, that women feel in society and being in settings alone,” said Rochelle Cleland, advocacy director of Spokane’s Lutheran Community Services Northwest, which offers a wide range of support for crime victims, refugees, children and other vulnerable populations.
According to data from the United Nations, one in three women across the world have experienced intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence, categories that include domestic violence and rape.
These numbers only account for physical and sexual violence, not including the wider spectrum of experiences that make women feel unsafe such as sexual harassment and threats.
“Sexual assault is often about power and control,” Cleland said. “And what I mean by that is, when someone perpetrates against someone — whether it’s sexual harassment, rape, sexual abuse, that perpetrator is exerting power and control over that person.”
“Often as a society, we still really focus on that ‘stranger danger’ piece when we know statistically, the majority of those who perpetrate sexual abuse are known to that victim, to that survivor. They are teachers. They’re coaches, they’re neighbors, they’re church members, they’re partners.”
Because the perpetrators are more inclined to be someone known to the victim, most often being an intimate partner, the chances of the assault being reported are low.
Fewer than 10% of survivors report their assault to the police, according to a report released by UN Women.
“The No. 1 (fear) is the fear of not being believed,” Cleland said.
Those few who seek justice often face a multitude of challenges.
“People don’t report because once they go into that system, oftentimes they are asked to relive their trauma. They are also oftentimes faced with laws and policies that place them at the center of that conversation rather than perpetrators,” said Jessi Willis, professor of women’s sexuality and studies at Eastern Washington University.
“This man-versus-bear debate is an example of ‘we are still living in this moment in which people who share experiences of violence or fear of violence are either belittled, demeaned, not believed,” Willis said.
“It’s really about whose voices are being heard, who feels safe to be in the world, and how power imbalances can be addressed and changed in order to create a different living environment,” Willis said.
Willis highlights how the question shines a spotlight on the conditions in which abusive and violent behaviors in men are normalized.
“When we’re looking at gender violence and the specific incidents of man-versus-bear and that social media exchange, you’re looking at how power dynamics are operating culturally,” Willis said. “This isn’t about men, it’s about the ways in which masculinity normalizes violence in terms of sexual terrorism.”
The concept of sexual terrorism acknowledges that the world’s current environment contributes to a system where men frighten, control and dominate women.
“It speaks to the normalization of gender violence, which is pervasive not just in the U.S., but, of course, globally,” Willis said.
A live poll issued in early April on the website of Today, the NBC morning program, shows that out of 3,835 people, 63% chose bear, 29% chose man and 8% were undecided.
More recently, a poll released by The Spokesman-Review on Instagram showed that out of 236 polltakers, 21% (68) chose man, while the other 79% (168) chose bear.
An anonymous user who responded to the poll said, “In the woods, a bear acts on instinct, while a man may act with predatory intent. The primal nature of a bear’s actions contrasts with the calculated danger of a human in the wild.”
Since the question went viral, thousands of men have flooded the comment sections of videos trying to differentiate themselves from the male collective that makes women choose the bear.
“Psychologically, our inclination is to want to be seen as a good person, and gender violence isn’t about good or bad people,” Willis said. “It’s about behaviors that have been naturalized, and then are repetitively reproduced within a variety of ways.”
Thousands of survivors across social media have shared their experiences in response to the question at hand, receiving encouragement from other survivors online creating an endless chain of support. Unfortunately, those who misunderstood it saw it as an attack against them.
“The resistance by men who want to be seen and understood as good men who would never participate in sexual assault or violence would do us all a great service by being more curious about the different experiences that folks are expressing.”
Because such trends like this are creating conversations on topics like sexual assault, Willis believes the next step to progress is to change the culture that justifies violence.
Starting those conversations early with children, no matter how uncomfortable they are, can build a foundation essential to their safety, Cleland said.
Covering consent, boundaries, body integrity and the word “no” can make all the difference.
These kinds of conversations aren’t and shouldn’t be temporary, but long term.
“Part of the other piece of it is just to recognize these are difficult conversations and they can be emotionally and psychologically triggering,” Willis said. “But they are also imperative to transforming.”
To access Lutheran Community Services’ 24-hour support line, call or text (509) 624-7273
