Adventures in grocery shopping can’t keep a good beet salad down

I have such a wonderful story to tell you!

It starts in my kitchen, where I made a detailed list of all the ingredients for this week’s recipe (a delicious roasted beet salad — we’ll get to that) and went to my local grocery store, which is the Safeway on Third Avenue in downtown Camas. Naturally, when I got there, I found that I’d left the list at home in my kitchen. Classic Monika! But I tried to calm down and enter a Zen-like meditative state in which I could more effectively access recent memory. I took a deep breath and propelled my cart up and down the aisle, muttering to myself under my breath — a steady mantra composed of ingredients: “Beets, baby kale, feta, orange, pomegranate seeds, shredded carrots. Beets, baby kale, feta, orange …”

When I got to the last aisle, still feeling cool as a cucumber, I surveyed the ingredients in my cart. I was pretty sure that I’d remembered everything. “See how much easier it is when you don’t freak out?” said my well-meaning but frequently judgmental inner voice. I went through the checkout line, chatted with the cashier and complimented her sparkly butterfly brooch, while feeling extra smug about how relaxed and nice I was being.

Back at my car, I stashed the groceries in the trunk, returned the cart to the cart corral and settled into the driver’s seat. Before getting on the road, I pulled out my phone to send a quick message. Or, rather, I would have pulled out my phone if I’d had it, but it wasn’t in my purse or on the car seat. I figured I’d accidentally put it in the trunk with the groceries, but it wasn’t there, either. Then I realized I’d left it in the shopping cart. I speed-walked over to the cart corral and searched among all the carts but found nothing. I searched another cart corral but had no luck. Apparently someone had already grabbed the cart and was inside shopping with it.

I allowed myself to enter a state of what I’ll call “gentle panic.” It’s the lowest level of panic, where you know that a very bad thing could happen, but it hasn’t happened yet and might be averted with decisive action and a bit of luck. I walked straight to the customer service desk, where I asked if anyone had turned in a cellphone. My mouth was only a little dry and my hands were only a little shaky as the nice lady stepped away to search the lost-and-found bin. She returned after what seemed like an eternity but was probably only two minutes and said that no one had turned in a phone. I asked to use the customer service phone to call my husband, who suggested I try calling my own phone, which was clearly the best thing to do but by this time I had entered the “sweaty panic” stage and wasn’t thinking clearly. I called my phone but no one answered. I immediately graduated to “extreme dry mouth panic,” which is the level just below “can’t-feel-my-extremities panic.” It was hard to talk with my desert-mouth but when the customer service agent asked me how she could reach me if someone did turn in the phone, I laughed hollowly. My cellphone was the best way to reach me, obviously. Instead, I gave her my husband’s number and turned to go.

That’s when I noticed a tall, trim, gray-haired man standing next to me. He was wearing a tan shirt with a faded American flag and holding — could it be? Hallelujah! — my cellphone. I made a squeaking noise like an excited rat and said “That’s my cellphone!” He handed it over with an amused smile and explained that he’d been doing his shopping when he heard a phone ringing. He checked his pockets for his own phone, but no one was calling him. That’s when he saw my phone in the basket. Relief and gratitude washed over me and I asked if I could give him a hug. He chuckled and said OK. As he was walking away, I caught up with him and asked his name. Let the Hallowed Halls of Good Deeds reflect that his name is “Mike.” Thanks, Mike!

Then I went home and made maybe the most delicious salad I’ve ever made in my whole life. Technically it’s a roasted beet, orange and feta salad, but I’ll always think of it as My Faith in Humanity Has Been Restored salad.

Start by roasting four medium or six small beets. Wash and scrub them and trim the tops but save them for another use because they’re perfectly edible and pretty dang nutritious. (In fact, you could use them in the beet salad in place of baby kale. You do you.) Wrap the beets in one tightly sealed foil packet and roast them in a 400 degree oven for one hour. Remove them from the oven and leave them until the foil is cool enough to touch. Unwrap the beets, slice them into bite-size pieces and set aside.

While the beets are roasting, assemble your other ingredients. Rinse and dry three generous cups of baby kale (or arugula or spinach, if you don’t like kale). Zest the orange to make 1 teaspoon of fresh zest, then peel and cut it into bite-size segments. (If you don’t have an orange, an 11-ounce can of mandarin oranges works just fine.) Get out your feta and shredded carrots or, if using whole carrots, grate enough to fill a half-cup. Get a half-cup of pomegranate seeds either from a fresh pomegranate or use a four-ounce packaged cup of pomegranate seeds, available in most produce sections.

For the dressing, whisk together ¼ cup olive oil, three tablespoons apple cider vinegar (or more if you like your dressing on the tangy side), one tablespoon lemon juice, one teaspoon orange zest, ¼ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon lemon pepper. Pour the dressing over the cut beets and set aside to allow the beets to soak up some of that flavor. In another large salad bowl, layer or mix lettuce, oranges and carrots in a large salad bowl. Pour beets with all the dressing over lettuce mixture then top with feta and pomegranate seeds. Don’t mix it together until just before serving, or the beets will turn everything pink. Unless you want everything pink, which is also perfectly legitimate. Sometimes you need to march to your own beet.

Roasted Beet Salad

• 4-6 small to medium red or golden beets (or both)
• 3 cups baby kale (or baby arugula or spinach)
• 1 orange (or a drained 11-ounce can of mandarin oranges)
• ½ cup shredded or grated carrots (bagged is fine)
• 1/2 cup pomegranate seeds
• ½ cup crumbled feta
• Dressing:
• ¼ cup olive oil
• 3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar (or more if you like tangy salad)
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon orange zest
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• ¼ teaspoon lemon pepper

Wash and scrub four medium or six small beets and trim the tops. Wrap the beets in a sealed foil packet and roast them in a 400 degree oven for one hour. While beets are roasting, make the dressing by whisking olive oil, vinegar, lemon juice, orange zest, salt and lemon pepper. When beets are done roasting and the packet is cool to the touch, remove them and slice into bite-size pieces. Pour dressing over beets and set aside. Rinse and dry three generous cups of baby kale. Zest the orange to make 1 teaspoon of fresh zest then peel and cut it into bite-size segments. In a large salad bowl, layer or toss kale, oranges and shredded or grated carrots. Pour beets and dressing over lettuce mixture, then top with feta and pomegranate seeds. Serve. Feeds six to eight people or two people who seriously love beets.