SEATTLE — The tuna salad sandwich inspires such strong feelings that two fans filed a class-action lawsuit against Subway for how bad its version is, specifically alleging that said sandwich actually contains zero tuna. Some independent laboratory tests seem to show tuna is, in fact, present in Subway’s tuna salad sandwich. But other results have been inconclusive, perhaps due to the processing of the fish combined with the ensalading (technical term) of it diluting the tuna DNA. The fact that this is wending its way through our legal system feels like some end-times stuff.
We certainly all can agree a tuna salad sandwich starts with tuna. And while restaurants might dabble in fancier versions — at Seattle’s Old Salt at Manolin, chef Liz Kenyon uses local albacore loins confited in olive oil from (the great) Villa Jerada — here we’re talking about canned tuna, in its familiar puck-shaped tin. Mayonnaise is — it must be — another nonnegotiable, with the abomination that is Miracle Whip beneath consideration. From this point, however, we descend quickly into a morass, made more morassy by the feelings deeply rooted in childhood sense-memory that many people bring to the matter.
Shall pickles or a cousin thereof be incorporated for complementary flavor and textural contrast? What about, contrariwise, sweet relish, because somehow a cloying element is desirable with fish? (Sorry, but see Miracle Whip above, and also: Shudder.) Then there’s the matter of onion: essential or really altogether overpowering? Maybe celery, just to do some extra chopping for some reason? Extra herbs, just to complicate matters? On the sandwich as a whole, should lettuce and/or tomato be added as if tuna salad, correctly made, does not stand humbly yet magnificently on its own? What kind of bread, and to toast or not to toast (how is this even a question)?
But of course — of course — the way you like it is the only correct way, and also the reason the tuna salad sandwich made at home is the very best one. Have your sweet relish, you pervert! I make mine with olive-oil-packed tuna (extra richness), organic or Kewpie mayo (the latter even better because MSG), Dijon mustard (Amora is the world’s best), capers (Julia Child agrees!), grated Parmesan (for secret extra umami), a little salt, and a little pepper, with snipped-up chives a pleasing optional touch. Not-too-nice white bread like Franz buttermilk or nicer brioche both perform excellently (not toasted, need it be said). But — heretical though it may be — I like my tuna salad maybe very best on Saltines (assembled salty side facing down so it hits your tongue).