Cheesy zucchini pie swaps crust for hash brownsFree

I have squash bugs.

I never even knew they existed until last week, when I spent an unsavory half-hour combing the internet for pictures of the vile gray pests and instructions on how to keep them from feasting on my zukes. The smallest bugs are dark gray, but the more swollen they become with my precious zucchini juices, the lighter their hue. Adult bugs are flat, like stinkbugs, but juvenile bugs are soft-bodied and disgustingly squishy. I discovered them clinging in great hordes to my underdeveloped zucchini. The writhing mass of their bodies made me feel slightly ill, but after brushing them off, the zucchini seemed fine. I can’t unsee the bugs now, though. Every time I look at the zucchini, now sitting on my kitchen counter, I’m convinced I can see it moving.

The bugs explain why other gardeners are posting Facebook and Instagram pictures of their massive squash harvests while our little greenies, even this late in August, are about the size of cucumbers. It may also be why I haven’t seen a single pumpkin on any of our 10 pumpkin vines, and why our yellow squash plant is no bigger than a dinner plate. It’s a far cry from last year’s garden, when zucchini and squash were popping up everywhere and I couldn’t cook or can them fast enough.

In spite of our zucchinipocalypse, however, I was determined to make something delicious with zucchini, even if I had to (gasp!) buy them from the grocery store. This week, I was the mood for something cheesy and quichey, though I’m not always that successful with a traditional short crust. I decided to use hash browns in place of the crust, not for any dietary reason, but just because I like hash browns.

Many zucchini recipes include a step for removing moisture from the zucchini by letting it soak with salt for 15 or 20 minutes and then wringing out the excess liquid. Well, I never met a recipe step that I hesitated to skip if I didn’t feel like doing it, and I didn’t feel like doing this step. Guess what? The recipe was not ruined. My kitchen did not collapse into a giant black hole of People Who Don’t Follow Instructions. It turned out just fine because I sauteed the zucchini before putting it in the pie, so the liquid evaporated in the heat. This has the added benefit of making the zucchini nice and tender. Of course, it would be tender anyway after baking in the oven for 45 minutes, but let me have my small, imaginary triumphs.

Heat oven to 400 degrees. Mix 3 cups hash browns, thawed to room temperature from frozen, with ¼ cup olive oil, ½ teaspoon salt and ½ teaspoon lemon pepper. Press firmly into the bottom and sides of a pie dish, all the way to the rim to allow for shrinkage. Bake for 30 minutes until the edges start to crisp up.

At the same time, put in six slices of cured turkey bacon, laid out on a baking tray. Of course you can use regular bacon; I’m sure the pig won’t mind any more than the turkey.

While the hash-brown crust is baking and the turkey bacon is cooking, grate enough zucchini to fill 2 cups and dice 1/2 cup of onion. Pour 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a skillet and saute the zucchini and onion with 1/2 teaspoon oregano and 1/4 teaspoon salt (or less, if you prefer, because there’s plenty of salt in the cheese) until both are soft and liquid has mostly evaporated.

Keep an eye on that bacon and remove it when it looks done, which will probably be about 10 minutes sooner than the crust. Remember: Cooking is hard and you may accidentally burn things. If you burn bacon a little bit — too much to use in the recipe, but not enough to incinerate it — it is 100 percent OK to go ahead and eat it anyway. Who’s going to know? Everyone else is staying out of the kitchen because you look so busy in there. If the bacon seems decent, crumble or cut it into small pieces and set aside. Reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees.

Whisk ¼ cup flour with ½ teaspoon baking powder, then mix with 1 ½ cups each grated cheddar and Monterey Jack. Coating the cheese with the flour helps it to stay evenly suspended in the quiche.

Vigorously whisk five eggs in a large bowl. Add the crumbled bacon, zucchini and the flour-and-cheese mixture along with 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil. Stir until well blended. It will be thicker than a traditional quiche, because there’s no milk in this baby, just a whole lot of cheese. (In fact, it’s really more of a cheese and zucchini pie, but that’s not a drawback, in my opinion. When did too much cheese ever hurt anyone? I mean, aside from practically everything we know about good dietary health.) Pour the mixture into the hot hash-brown crust. Spread the filling around until it’s level, then put the whole thing in the oven and bake for 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean and the top is turning a golden brown. Putting a crust guard on the pie will help keep the edges from getting to dark while still allowing the middle to become that nice, toasted cheese color. Leave it to cool for 15 minutes before slicing. Enjoy hot or at room temperature for breakfast, lunch, dinner or as a hearty midnight snack while you’re awake wondering why you ate all that bacon.

Zucchini and Hash Brown Pie

For the Crust

3 cups frozen hash browns, thawed

¼ cup olive oil

½ teaspoon each salt and lemon pepper

For the Filling

2 cups grated zucchini

½ cup diced onion

5 eggs

6 slices turkey bacon

1 ½ cups each grated cheddar and Monterey Jack

¼ cup flour

½ teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon oregano

¼ teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

Heat oven to 400 degrees. Mix hash browns, oil, salt and pepper; press firmly into bottom and sides of pie dish. Bake for 30 minutes, along with 6 slices of bacon in a separate pan. Remove bacon after about 20 minutes and cut or crumble into small pieces. Set aside. Saute zucchini and onion in 2 tablespoons olive oil with salt and lemon pepper; cook until very tender and liquid has evaporated. Set aside. Stir flour and baking powder together and mix with cheese to coat. Vigorously whisk 5 eggs in large bowl. Add chopped fresh basil, zucchini, bacon and cheese. Mix everything together, spoon into hashbrown crust and bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees (a crust guard will keep edges from burning). Cool for 15 minutes before serving.