A Year of COVID
Editor’s note: Vancouver resident Nicholl Acosta-Alaspa, 40, has struggled with addiction since she was 12 years old. Acosta-Alaspa has now been in recovery from addiction for 15 months, starting her recovery process just a couple of months after the COVID-19 pandemic began. The following is an oral history, told from Acosta-Alaspa’s perspective, about how she navigated the early stages of recovery during a pandemic and how she’s using her experiences to help others in recovery.
I experienced a lot of abuse growing up, a lot of sexual, emotional, physical — all types of abuse you could experience. I grew up with an abusive father. My mother took us away from that and she moved us down here from Minnesota. I was a pretty angry kid. I didn’t understand why it took my mom so long to take us out of that situation, and I was worried we’d end up having to go back. I acted out, and I was angry.
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I was 12 years old the first time I got loaded. It was crank, back before crystal meth was around. My addiction lasted 28 years. That first time, it was like finally I wasn’t feeling that pain anymore that I had experienced throughout most of my life. It numbed me. It took away the feelings. It took away the memories, the past. It took me to a different place. That’s what I became addicted to — the fact that I could shut my emotions off by being loaded. Man, did that grab a hold of me.
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I’ve been in recovery for 15 months. Some people say “relapse is part of recovery.” I hate to say that, but I would get clean for a month, and I would relapse. I would get clean for four months or six months, and then I would relapse. But the fact is I never quit. I never gave up trying.