Sue Vanlaanen, 68, knows she might get a confused question or two on Thanksgiving.
Her husband, Mike Koon, 74, has Alzheimer’s, and the COVID-19 pandemic has been particularly confounding and frustrating for him — as it has been for many people with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia.
If Koon can track what’s happening Thursday, Thanksgiving might present another perplexing moment. It could prompt queries such as, “Who is coming?” and, “When are they coming?”
“I will probably get some interesting questions,” said Vanlaanen, who is retired from a career with Fort Vancouver Regional Libraries.
The Vancouver couple has a history of hosting 25-person Thanksgiving meals, where they push three tables together in their living and dining rooms to fit everyone.
The last two years, Vanlaanen and Koon have skipped gatherings and instead traveled to Hawaii as a way to unwind. This year, neither the traditional large gathering nor the Hawaii getaway are safe options.
Their plan is to instead host one of Mike’s daughters, who lives in an apartment in the back of their house, and her boyfriend. Vanlaanen’s sons in Portland will get holiday texts from her. Koon has a son in Portland and another daughter, who lives next door. That daughter will host a meal with her immediate family at home.
“We are going to sit at separate ends of the table, and we are going to be masked until we sit down for dinner,” Vanlaanen said.
The pandemic has been hard to navigate for Koon, who is an affable guy. He likes to walk around Vancouver and chat with people. He’s a friendly and open person. Sometimes he might want to shake someone’s hand, not fully aware of the current safety issues. He doesn’t like it when Vanlaanen reminds him to keep distance from people or to wear a mask.
The couple sleeps in separate rooms, wears masks when together in the car and haven’t hugged in months, Vanlaanen said.
Vanlaanen has relied on Alzheimer’s Association support groups to help her navigate the emotional strain of the moment. She just wants to protect her husband, who had a career in computer repairs and was a master woodworker, crafting furniture in a home that is now sort of a celebration of Koon.
“I cannot get sick,” Vanlaanen said. “It’s important that I’m able to take care of him.”
Missing her mom
Vancouver resident Jen Osojnicki, 49, will be spending another Thanksgiving apart from her mother, Donna Mullen, 73, who has Alzheimer’s and lives in a senior care facility in Massachusetts.
In the past, Osojnicki, an only child, would visit her mom with her husband for an intimate Thanksgiving gathering. Her mom would cook a “huge meal,” and tell embarrassing stories about Osojnicki.
“The normal mom stuff,” Osojnicki joked.
Osojnicki hasn’t seen Mullen since October 2019. Her mother has lost the ability to say words. Osojnicki can’t video chat her mom because Mullen gets frustrated by the concept. The business manager at Mullen’s care facility sends Osojnicki videos of her mom.
Since their visit in October, it has gotten harder to for Mullen to recognize Osojnicki, especially after Osojnicki got a new haircut.
“The last time I saw my mother, she knew who I was — and now she doesn’t,” Osojnicki said.
Osojnicki said she misses having her mom as a resource. Who’s she going to call 10 times to make sure she’s cooking a recipe right?
Mullen is an independent person, who loves camping. Osojnicki wished she could have moved out to the Pacific Northwest with her because she would love the outdoor opportunities.
Osojnicki moved to Vancouver last year. She volunteered for the Alzheimer’s Association three times and was then hired as a manager for Vancouver’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s.
“I can’t do anything to help or change my mom, but maybe I can do something to help someone else’s mom,” Osojnicki said.
