Singletary: Here’s why some have destination weddings

I was surprised by this subterfuge.

“The people I’ve known to have destination weddings were having them to avoid the hassle of a regular wedding and reduce possible family drama by having fewer people attend,” one reader wrote.

A reader in Chicago tweeted: “@SingletaryM has a column saying people should stop having destination weddings because it’s a big ask for attendees. That’s exactly why my wife and I had a destination wedding. Only the people we really wanted there would make such an effort. Not coming? Whew. Good.”

Planning a destination wedding seems like an outrageous way to simply limit your guest list. Here’s one short line you can use if you’re questioned about the number of guests you’ve asked to witness your nuptials: “We can’t afford (or don’t want) a wedding large enough to accommodate everyone who might want to come.”

Then stand your ground. Sure, you might lose friends or risk a fracture in your family. But trust me: Those folks won’t likely come to your financial rescue when the need arises.

The same is true if you’re an invited guest.

One father paying for his daughter’s wedding made an interesting observation regarding people who decline invitations.

“As the person who is paying for this expensive event, losing some people doesn’t hurt me,” he wrote. “In fact, I save $150 a person from each decline. My daughter is bummed by rejection RSVPs, as this is her big day, and she wants to share it with everyone on the planet. But don’t only blame finances on why people decline. Lots of times, they simply don’t want to make the trip, as it’s not really what they want to spend their vacation time on. Using finances is simply a justified excuse.”

He’s got a point. If you don’t want to attend an event, own your truth. You don’t have to fake a financial issue.

Concerning weddings — destination or not — please avoid the following:

• Feeding into the mania that it’s such a big day that all common financial sense should be abandoned.

• Pressuring a couple to invite people, including relatives they scarcely know.

• Attempting to make anyone feel guilty for not spending money they don’t want to spend to attend a wedding.

Why is it so hard to just have the wedding you can afford and/or limit the guest list for whatever reason, including that you don’t want everybody and their mama at your nuptials?

I know the answer to my own question.

People lack courage. Or they can’t handle the repercussions from the guests not invited.

But as long as you keep placating people rather than living your truth, you’ll always make financial or life decisions that aren’t in your best interest.