For generations, American fatherhood was depicted in the idealized version of, say, Atticus Finch or Mike Brady or Cliff Huxtable.
They were stern but loving, gruff but soft, and always a font of worldly wisdom. They also were quite fictional. While the fanciful idea of the American father was never very close to reality and while fictional depictions have tended to change over the years, the reality of fatherhood also has been vastly altered.
We mention this as a way of wishing a happy Father’s Day to the men who have imparted their worldly wisdom while raising future generations.
More and more, that includes stay-at-home dads. According to the Pew Research Center, fathers accounted for 17 percent of stay-at-home parents in 2016, an increase from 10 percent in 1989.
Part of the reason for that is that fathers increasingly view parenting as a central role. Pew reports: “Dads are just as likely as moms to say that parenting is extremely important to their identity. Some 57 percent of fathers said this in a 2015 survey by the Center, compared with 58 percent of mothers. Like moms, many dads also seem to appreciate the benefits of parenthood. … 46 percent of fathers said they find parenting enjoyable all the time.”
All the time? That might be a stretch. Parenting is tough work, filled with trials and tribulations and reminders that raising children is a little harder than how it is depicted in popular culture. But, as the most un-father-like Tom Hanks character says in “A League of the Their Own”: “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”
Of course, he was talking about baseball. But the words seem to apply to parenting, as well.
Just like modern-day mothers, fathers often find the hardest part to be balancing family with work. Pew found in 2015 that about half of working dads say it is very or somewhat difficult to balance those two roles, and about 1 in 3 said they “always feel rushed.” Men also are more likely to feel pressure to financially provide for their family, although women are taking an increasing share of that role.
All of that is compounded by fathers embracing a much larger role in child care. “In 2016, fathers reported spending an average of eight hours a week on child care — about triple the time they provided in 1965,” Pew reports. “And fathers put in about 10 hours a week on household chores in 2016, up from four hours in 1965. By comparison, mothers spent an average of about 14 hours a week on child care and 18 hours a week on housework in 2016.”
No longer does Dad come home from work and put his feet up while Mom puts dinner on the table and the kids do their homework. Although we suspect that was more common on TV than in American households.
Despite the changing role of fathers, the basics remain the same. Statistics and common sense indicate that an active, engaged father plays a crucial role in a child’s health, education and development; children learn by watching parents navigate the challenges of life. As author Clarence Budington Kelland wrote: “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
That, perhaps, is the most important gift that fathers can offer, and that is the reason we honor them today. Well, that and the sage advice provided by paragons of fatherhood such as Mike Brady: “As a wise man once said, wherever you go, there you are.”
Wisdom does not get much more worldly than that. Happy Father’s Day.
