In 2008, I was getting ready to start my 25th year as a principal of Rosa Parks Elementary School, in the Lake Washington School District. A parent called to say her fifth grade son, Jacob, was no longer Jacob. Jacob was now her daughter, Jessica.
This did not surprise me. Jacob had an outstanding fourth-grade teacher who had noted his differences.
After some reflection, I invited some parents I knew well to provide some thoughtful counsel about the transition. They helped me understand the range of feelings in the community and how kids might react.
Jessica would be in the fifth grade. I had a fantastic fifth-grade teacher who was skilled, kind and compassionate, with high expectations for all kids. She was very understanding and supportive of diversity in all its forms. I called her. She was honored to be selected to have Jessica in her class.
Jessica’s parents came to discuss issues specific to Jessica’s transition. They lived outside of the school’s attendance area but had enrolled their child because of its diversity (in the heart of Microsoft territory), vision of the arts, laughter and joy. Kindness, compassion, respect and friendship were intentionally embedded into the daily life of the school.
They felt that Rosa Parks would be a good fit for their child, who was a bit quirky. They were right. This was the culture of the school the parents had chosen for Jacob, who had become Jessica.
Jessica’s parents provided me information from a transgender conference they had attended. They were concerned that students would struggle to accept Jessica’s new identity. Our school counselor helped us developed a plan for the first day of school. The plan included Jessica’s use of the women staff’s restroom; a letter that I would send to all parents of fifth- and sixth-graders focused on acceptance and tolerance; and plans for a meeting that the counselor and I would hold with fifth- and sixth-grade students on the first day to inform them of Jessica’s transition and to answer their questions.
I contacted the TransActive Gender Center, which provides training and education in transgender issues, and two of its staff visited Rosa Parks. They were women, but early in their presentation they said: “We know that you are wondering if we were once men? Yes, we were.” At the end of the session, school staff members thanked our guests for their knowledge, strength and the information they had provided.
Jessica arrived on the first day dressed in jeans, a tank top and pink coat. She went to the library while the counselor and I spoke with her classmates about her transition. As the year went on, some kids continued to not understand Jessica. Some laughed and gossiped, but Jessica was strong and ignored these kids.
The majority of students openly accepted Jessica and often confronted the bullies. The staff was very supportive. Jessica’s parents felt that the transition to fifth grade was a huge success! They had been greatly concerned about how Jessica would be accepted, not only by kids but by staff and the school district.
Early in the year, a parent with a strong Christian background, with one daughter in Jessica’s class, told me that she was not supportive of Jessica but that her daughters would not act in a disrespectful manner. But several months later, she told me that she had done some research and was now fully in support of Jessica. Her daughter became an advocate for Jessica with other classmates.
In sixth grade, Jessica began using the girls’ restroom. She performed in the school’s drama presentations and attended camp. Near the end of sixth grade, Jessica’s parents came in to talk about junior high. We found her a placement at a school that was going to be great for her.
Jessica, now 22, is a beautiful young lady. She has a job and is very happy with her life. Her mom’s final words to me: “We couldn’t have done it without the love, support and understanding of you and the school! We were all pioneers!”
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