Teacher’s book takes novel approach to anxiety

BATTLE GROUND — It’s been more than eight years since Bradley Smith, a special education teacher at Chief Umtuch Middle School, first experienced the beginnings of an anxiety disorder.

Smith was flying back to Portland for spring break from Boston College, where he was pursuing a master’s degree in special education. A smiling flight attendant offered him an extra snack. Smith began to fret about whether he was making too much eye contact with the woman.

“And once that thought locked in it was like a spiral and then it started to snowball into all the different relationships in my life,” Smith said.

Smith is now 34, and with medical intervention, his anxiety is more manageable. But the biggest help in maintaining control over his anxiety are the relationships Smith has developed with his students.

Smith’s journey with his own mental health problems, and the special education students who helped him overcome it, are the inspiration for his recent novel, “A Special Education in Anxiety.”

Over four years, Smith wrote the semi-autobiographical novel about a young special education teacher, and the six students in his class who live with autism, Down syndrome and other developmental disabilities. Though the events and students in the book are fictional, the book’s lead character, Michael Smith, struggles to live with anxiety. But his relationships with his middle school students and peers help him do so.

A visitor to the real Smith’s classroom would be hard-pressed to detect that he’s ever struggled with social anxiety. He’s goofy and engaging with his students, high-fiving them for small victories and gently diverting their attention when they become stressed.

“Even at my worst moments, the times where I feel most like myself or show calm and presence are those times with those kids,” Smith said.

Smith’s first experience in a special education classroom was as a peer tutor at Southridge High School in Beaverton, Ore. His own anxiety hadn’t begun to manifest yet, but even then Smith recognized a sense of belonging and security he’d not experienced before.

High school is “a time of cliques and social standing,” Smith said. In a special education classroom, that disappears, he said. “You walk in to that class and no one cares about any of that,” he said.

It’s a phenomenon Smith explores in his book, describing the special education classroom his character teaches in as a “judgment-free zone.”

“I believe there are very few places, if any, where you do not feel judged in middle school,” Smith wrote. “For some, this might be the only time over the course of their school day where they get to breathe the refreshing air of full acceptance.”

From his time as a peer tutor, Smith was hooked. He has been working in special education for 11 years, nine of them as a teacher.

Anxiety disorders are common in the United States, with 18.1 percent of adults experiencing symptoms every year, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. But Smith’s mother, Lois Smith, was nevertheless surprised years ago to hear of her son’s struggles.

“He covered it really well because he’s fun-loving, smiling, joking,” said Lois Smith.

Lois Smith, a retired speech language pathologist, edited her son’s book before he published it in April. She called her son’s honest descriptions of anxiety brave.

“A lot of times we try to cover up anything that we see as imperfections and here he was being public about something he was struggling with,” she said.

Lois Smith has come to recognize that, in his line of work, her son’s anxiety can be a boon rather than a hindrance. He empathizes with his students, Lois Smith said, because he knows what it’s like to struggle.

“He also wants kids to feel intrinsic value and worth despite the challenges they have, because he had to face feelings of low self-worth because of his anxieties,” Lois Smith said.

“A Special Education in Anxiety” is available at Amazon or by emailing Smith directly at Smith.bradley@battlegroundps.org.