Singletary: Are you ready to ask for, accept assistance?

My question to you: Are you equipped emotionally to accept the caregiving you may need?

In September, I tripped down some stairs in my home and broke my right ankle in two places. For a few weeks, I couldn’t put any weight on my foot. Walking on crutches was so painful that I had to use a wheelchair. Even going to the bathroom was difficult. (Why are toilet seats so low?) It was humiliating and humbling. Within the first few days after my accident, I fell again because I refused to ask for help to navigate to the toilet.

I wasn’t at all prepared for how vulnerable I would feel because I had to rely so heavily on others.

In a two-part column, I want to address caregiving from the perspective of why your loved ones may not be so receptive to your caregiving. Then I’d like to talk about concerns I’ve heard from caregivers and how those of us with extremely independent natures have to evolve in order for family and friends to better assist us.

Let me start with this: I hate asking for help.

I will run myself ragged assisting others, but if I need some assistance, no sir, I’ll try to figure out how to do it on my own .

It’s all about my backstory. When you are abandoned, as I was by my parents, you learn quickly to rely on yourself.

After I had my first child, my mother insisted that she come help me with my newborn. I had a very difficult pregnancy and required a cesarean section. It was hard for me to lift the baby to breastfeed her. Just one day into my mother’s visit, I woke up from a nap to find that she had left, without any explanation, to return to her home in another city. I had to call a friend to come help me with the baby until my husband could get home.

I’m sharing all of this because you might be frustrated that your parent or elderly relative isn’t amenable to your caregiving. They won’t allow you to hire help. They won’t tell you what they need. They refuse to move in with you — or even closer — so that you can better provide care. They look unhappy rather than grateful for your support.

Having enough money won’t fix your frustration. Had it not been for my ankle injury, I was headed toward being that strong-willed, fiercely independent parent unwilling to see that I couldn’t properly care for myself any longer. I might have put my safety and well-being in jeopardy.

My recent fall highlighted an issue I needed to address. I talked to my therapist and she helped me see that everyone isn’t my mother. Yes, I may lose some independence in a caregiving situation, but accepting assistance can avoid more problems later. My stubbornness could cost more in caregiving expenses if a fall results in hospitalization or a stay in a nursing home or assisted-living facility.

She also said something that I hadn’t considered. It’s not just about me. Pointing out my giving nature, she asked why would I deny my husband and children that same joy of serving?

The long-term care crisis isn’t just about the cost. It’s also the emotional strain being put on many caregivers.

Don’t make their job harder by refusing to see your physical limitations. It’s OK to ask for help.