This means you better come or else.
And despite the honor, being asked to be in the wedding can be an even bigger drain on your savings. Between the pre-wedding festivities, airfare, hotel and, of course, a gift, you are looking at shelling out big money.
Members of the wedding party can expect to spend an average of $728, according to a new survey released by Bankrate.com. Live in the Northeast? The average is $1,070.
Even if you’re not in the wedding party, the price for your presence can still cause sticker shock. On average, people spend $628, which includes attending some of the pre-parties. If you’re not in the inner circle of closeness, it still costs an average of $372.
As for gifts, guests spend an average of $153 if they are part of the wedding entourage. Friends and family spend an average of $116, and those who aren’t as close spend an average of $63.
If you intend on going to a wedding or are asked to participate in one, start planning as soon as you get the “save the date” card, says Bankrate.com analyst Robert Barba.
He recommends starting a wedding fund. But what you shouldn’t do is go into debt.
“If you feel you can’t afford the financial burden of attending, think twice before RSVPing,” Barba says.
Can I spend some time persuading you that it’s OK to decline a wedding invitation if you just can’t afford to go?
A lot of our financial mistakes happen when we don’t want to be seen as something — cheap, cold-hearted or the type of person who places money over family or friendship.
Recently, I got a text message from a friend. He’s gone through the financial program I direct at my church and wanted advice about a wedding invitation he’d received.
His brother is getting married in a destination wedding in Las Vegas, and he was invited to be a groomsman. As he was adding up the cost, he started to panic.
“I’m easily looking at $1,200 at a minimum,” the guy texted. “I’m struggling with considering not being in the wedding party and just attending as a guest. But I don’t want to disappoint my brother. What do you suggest I do?”
In response, I asked if the divorced father of three had the money to spare. He doesn’t. He could stretch and come up with the cash to be a guest, but the extra expenses would set him back.
He wants to live his financial truth, which is that he doesn’t have the money to be all-in as a participant in the festivities. I told him to be honest and let his brother know he can’t afford to be a groomsman.
With a heavy heart, he did just that. And kudos to his brother, who let him bow out with no hard feelings. That wasn’t the case with some family members, who expressed their displeasure to my friend for his decision.
I say: Love them, but ignore their efforts to spend your money.
When it comes to decisions like this, you have to count the cost. If it’s too high, unapologetically live within your means.
Michelle Singletary welcomes comments and column ideas. Reach her in care of The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. N.W., Washington, DC 20071; or singletarym@washpost.com.
