Buying gifts. Family gatherings. Holiday parties. They can all bring holiday cheer, but, for many, they also bring added stress and anxiety.
“I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of stress and anxiety and worry during the holiday season,” said Bobbi Woodford, mental health therapist at PeaceHealth Southwest Medical Center. “I think one reason that’s our emotional response is we feel out of control, and we have trouble relaxing.”
“It can snowball to where people can feel totally helpless,” she added.
During the holidays, many people stress about finances, said Dr. Arundhati Undurti, psychiatrist at The Vancouver Clinic in Salmon Creek. Not only do people fret about buying gifts for family members, but there’s also office parties and gatherings with friends, she said.
Another source of stress: Family gatherings. Whether it’s the uncle you don’t see eye to eye with or the inevitable political talk with relatives, family gatherings can be contentious, Undurti said.
“For some people, the holidays are not always happy memories,” she said.
Add to those things the cultural pressure for a picture-perfect season full of holiday cheer, and the holidays can be downright overwhelming — particularly for those facing everyday stressors, such as relationship problems or job insecurity.
“During the holidays, those stressors don’t go away,” Woodford said. “They don’t just make space for the holidays. People still have to deal with those everyday stressors.”
But positive coping techniques can help reduce holiday stress, Woodford and Undurti said. Here are their tips for managing holiday stress:
• Acknowledge your feelings.
Take a minute to identify how you’re feeling, Undurti said. Maybe this is the first holiday without a loved one, acknowledge that loss and sadness, she said.
“I think people get so caught up in the busyness that they don’t take a step back and look at how they’re feeling,” Undurti said.
• Thought-stopping.
“If you’re thinking, ‘This is the worst Christmas ever. Everyone hates me. This holiday season is going to last forever.’ Thought-stopping is bringing those into check,” Woodford said.
The reality, Woodford said, is the holiday season will end and everybody doesn’t hate you.
• Know your limitations.
One of the best coping strategies for the holidays is to take things day by day, Woodford said.
“There are only so many hours in a day,” she said.
Make a to-do list and be realistic about how much you can accomplish in one day.
• Stick to a budget.
If you’re stressed about finances, set a budget and stick to it, Undurti said. Planning ahead so you’re not scrambling to buy gifts and do other shopping during the final days is also helpful, she said.
• Be realistic.
“The holidays don’t have to be perfect,” Undurti said.
Just because things have always been done a certain way doesn’t mean you can’t break away from the mold and start new family traditions, she said.
• Reach out to others.
If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, reach out for support and companionship, whether it’s through friends, your church or others in the community, Undurti said.
Volunteering your time during the holiday season is another way to spend time with others and lift your spirits, she said.
• Know what you’re getting yourself into.
If you’re getting together with family and know you’ll have to face a relative with very different political views or with whom you’ve had a bad experience in the past, come up with a strategy for those encounters, Undurti said. Plan to spend 10 minutes with that relative and give yourself permission to step away if things get too stressful, she said.
“Don’t feel like you have to sit there and listen to them drone on,” Undurti said. “People sometimes just feel like they’re trapped. You don’t have to be.”
• Set aside differences.
“Family members and friends may not live up to your expectations,” Undurti said. “Maybe the holiday season isn’t the best time to get into discussions about how you feel about them or things that they’ve done in the past to upset you.”
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You don’t have to attend every holiday party or family gathering you’re invited to, Undurti said. Don’t overcommit yourself at the expense of your mental health, she said.
• Don’t abandon your healthy habits.
Don’t go overboard on sweets and holiday drinks, and try to stay physically active, Undurti said. Find an activity that allows you to relax — go for a walk, read a book, listen to music — at the end of each day, she said.
• Be mindful.
Don’t lose sight of what’s important to you this holiday season, Woodford said.
“Stay focused on why you’re getting together with family and what the holidays mean to you,” she said.
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