Press Talk: “The” Top 10 list. Really!

Now, you didn’t really think we were going to leave 2015 behind without the most important list of all?

Of course not.

You see, we are a country obsessed with lists. Why, just the other day I was going to list the Top 10 things that came out of Clark County Councilor Tom Mielke’s pie hole that I was able to understand.

I had to abandon that idea pretty quickly when I couldn’t find any.

But never fear. I’m pretty sure my good buddy Tom has made it onto some other lists, including the one you are about to see.

You guessed it. It’s the Second Annual (dramatic pause required here) Top 10 Don’t Do Stupid Stuff list. The list was conceived after the sale of thousands of Don’t Do Stupid Stuff mugs.

But as he saw his hold on that sweet, crony job slipping, he decided to run his wife Mary for county council. Hey, if he could get one more vote in his favor on the council, he could likely hold on to his county job. Now, his wife knows nothing about running a government. But Benton figured everyone knew his name, and that alone would propel his wife to victory.

Well, he was right about one thing. Everyone did know his name.

And because of his name, she got hammered at the polls.

9: In God We Trust.

Putting these words up on the county meeting room wall was never a litmus test for one’s belief in God. In fact, most of those who opposed the wall sign do believe in God. It was simply a principled objection to mixing church and state. Mielke never could grasp that distinction. And Councilor David Madore — who ultimately became the swing vote to make it happen — went back on his word. Or put another way, he lied. At first, Madore said he would not vote for the sign unless the vote was unanimous. So when Councilor Jeanne Stewart opposed it, it should have killed the idea. Except — except — Madore suddenly decided the vote didn’t have to be unanimous.

8: The call.

Quite possibly, it was the worst play ever called in a Super Bowl. Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll will forever have to live with the decision to not run the ball at the goal line as time expired. After the pass interception, my Facebook page instantly blew up with friends suggesting if Carroll had one of my coveted Don’t Do Stupid Stuff mugs, the Seahawks would have won that Super Bowl. Agreed.

I fully expected Carroll to be waiting at our front door to order a case of mugs when we opened the next day. Sadly, he was nowhere to be found. That doesn’t bode well for the Seahawks this year.

7: These guys.

State Rep. Jim Moeller and former state Sen. Craig Pridemore. Just because.

6: Everybody, play nice.

Look, the Port of Vancouver is knee-deep in a pile of gunk created when commissioners approved a new oil terminal approximately the size of Houston. Lots of folks have been angry ever since. So they get an earful every time they meet. But then Commissioner Nancy Baker — just recently retired — said something magnificently stupid.

“The public behavior at the last few meetings has been disturbing and inappropriate to me. In the future, no personal attack or criticisms of board members or port staff will be tolerated.”

Huh?

“No criticisms of board members will be tolerated.”

I get that we’d all be in a better place if we all played nice, but expect to be criticized if you do stupid stuff. It’s just the way it is. It is also — ah — a First Amendment thing.

Just saying.

5: Who’s the polluter?

After Mielke got crushed in his bid to become county council chair, you would have thought he would have said something contrite.

Nah. Instead, he said this:

“We are aware that the Department of Ecology at the state level has brought to our attention that in the ink that’s printed on newspapers that we have PCBs, and I hope that we ask staff to follow up on that with the state to find out how much, what is there, is it a dangerous amount and so on.”

Huh?

You see, Mielke got whupped in large part because of our reporting — and, yes, this column.

But buddy, that’s no reason to try to punish us.

In the end, the county has quietly tried to sweep this screwy accusation under the rug because, well, it was just more incoherent yakking by Mielke.

4: Madore plays the game.

Madore is really just a beginner when it comes to politics. But when he’s in trouble, this character can spin with the best of them. This year, he blasted Acting County Manager Mark McCauley for not doing what he asked him to do. When we reported the dressing-down he gave McCauley, Madore quickly went to Facebook to say The Columbian was making it all up. What Madore didn’t count on was our obtaining the email he wrote to McCauley confirming everything we reported.

3: Pike’s peril.

When state Rep. Liz Pike decided to join herself at the hip to Madore, she damaged her credibility with lots of folks. You remember, right? Madore lost his bid to become council chair, so he asked Pike to run as a write-in candidate. Many of her friends and advisers urged her to run — as far away from Madore as she could! She didn’t listen and was beaten badly. She’ll now spend this next year trying to repair the damage as she campaigns to hold on to her House seat.

2: Say what?

When I ran into Benton at a county council meeting, I extended my hand to shake his. Hey, I know he’s not my biggest fan, but we should always try to be polite.

But Benton refused to shake and instead greeted me with “You’re a scumbag, Lou.”

Oh my!

1: The sleaze factor.

County Councilor David Madore ratcheted up his sleaze factor when he instructed and encouraged his Facebook followers to cheat The Columbian.

Madore — who swears he never reads us — took to his Facebook page to tell Web users how to use our site without paying. After a certain number of free views, we ask that users pay a small fee. Giving products away for free was never a good business model.

So Madore — who likes to call us a cancer — laid out how readers could cheat us.

“To view their nonsense without giving them money …” his post began.

Think about it. If I laid out a scenario that allowed customers to not pay for the electronic gadgets Madore produces, well, there go his millions. Plus, I’m thinking the cops would be at my doorstep, pronto.

And for an elected official to do this? Is this the kind of person we want in office?

Oh my!

• • •

So there you have it. The Top 10. But there is so much stupid stuff. And so little space.

So please go to our website. In the comments section for this column, please tell me what I’ve missed. And — no promises — if I see something particularly witty and enlightening, there might just be a lunch with me out there.

Happy New Year!