PORTLAND — Saturday’s game at Providence Park was always going to be memorable for Vancouver’s Ellis Henderson.
With 65 family and friends in the stands, the Montana receiver started at wide receiver against Portland State. Though he didn’t make a catch, he returned three kickoffs for a total of 68 yards.
But even the mundane moments of this season are special for Henderson.
Just stepping on the football field is something the Skyview High School graduate no longer takes for granted. Not after facing a foe tougher than any shutdown cornerback.
Henderson spent much of the previous 18 months battling severe depression that ravaged his body and drove him to the brink of suicide.
It has been a long road to recovery, one which saw him try eight medications before finding one that worked. He attends counseling regularly and has built a support group of friends and family to help when his thoughts turn against him.
“Going through that has not just made me a better person. It’s given me a greater appreciation for everything,” Henderson said in a phone interview last week.
Debilitating condition
Depression and anxiety issues affect about 40 million Americans each year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Suicide is the second highest cause of death among adults age 15 to 24.
Henderson had his first bout with depression while attending the University of Hawaii, where he hoped to become a football star after earning 4A Greater St. Helens League defensive MVP honors in 2010.
Henderson transferred to Montana, hoping the change would serve him well.
At first, it did. In 2013, Henderson became one of the Big Sky Conference’s best receivers as a sophomore. He became just the 11th receiver in Montana history with over 1,000 yards in a season.
The following spring, he began to struggle with what was diagnosed as a gastrointestinal ailment. But his troubles went much deeper than that. Henderson was battling severe depression that caused suicidal thoughts.
At its worst, Henderson wouldn’t leave his bedroom for days at a time. Severe anxiety kept him from sleeping. He barely ate. His hair began falling out. He wanted to end his life.
Henderson returned to Vancouver that summer to try and get healthy. He recovered enough to return to the team last season, but he wasn’t the same. He weighed just 168 pounds, about 20 less than his playing weight as a sophomore.
Henderson caught just 12 passes in five games before returning to Vancouver once again for help. He wasn’t yet equipped to handle the physical stress of football and the mental drain of his studies.
Going public
When a healthy Henderson returned to Montana before this season, his teammates and coaches knew what he had been going through. But Henderson wanted to share his story. He recounted his struggles in excruciating detail in a story published by the Missoula, Mont., daily newspaper in August.
In Missoula, a city of 70,000, Montana football is the biggest game in town. The Grizzlies regularly fill their 25,000 seat stadium.
Henderson hoped being a football player would give him a platform to raise awareness and further erode the myth that physically strong people aren’t affected by mental health issues.
“When I told my story, it was just to help that one person who might be going through the same issues I was,” Henderson said. “But the response has been much more than I expected.”
Henderson has received dozens of letters and emails from people who said his story helped them or someone they know.
“As long as I’ve been playing, I’ve always felt looked up to in a certain respect,” Henderson said. “But now I definitely feel a new sense of understanding from people. I feel like they truly care about me as a person and not just as a football player.”
Henderson the player has also returned to strength. He entered Saturday averaging 74.6 receiving yards a game. His five touchdown catches are tied for the team lead.
“I’m in a very good place right now,” he said. “I know it’s not curable, as I have it. There are days I would like it to go away. But I’ve come to terms that it’s going to be there every day.”
Earlier this season, the NCAA approved Henderson’s appeal for a medical redshirt, meaning he will have one more season at Montana beyond this year.
“Football is more fun now,” he said. “I like it because it’s a place that you can kinda turn your brain off.”
With the goal of helping people and erasing stigmas, Ellis Henderson has let the public into his life’s most painful chapter.
In doing so, he has shown that people struggling with mental health issues are anything but weak.
In fact, Henderson has shown he is stronger than most people can imagine.
Micah Rice is The Columbian’s Sports Editor. Reach him at 360-735-4548, micah.rice@columbian.com or via Twitter @col_mrice.
