Among Native American tribes, there’s a sharing, communal spirit, and the saying “It takes a village to raise a child” rings true.
“Other people raise other people’s children all the time,” Zachery Desjarlais said. “It doesn’t have to be a nefarious reason, either.”
Adoption, too, taps into that cooperative heritage getting passed down from generation to generation.
The 34-year-old Vancouver resident belongs to the Chippewa Cree Tribe and grew up on the Rocky Boy Indian Reservation in Montana. His father is Native American. When Desjarlais was a baby, his cousins’ parents died in a car crash, so his father adopted the girls and raised them as his own daughters. For young Zachery, it was normal to have two biological siblings and two adopted siblings. It was the way life was and the way family was — not all of them blood, but all of them family just the same.
The same goes for Desjarlais’ children. For three of them, being adopted and being Native American is just part of their intricate, fascinating life stories — a history that Zachery and his wife, Sarah Desjarlais, encourage their children to embrace. Three-year-old Atticus used to be considered a “medically fragile baby,” but he’s thriving now. Avi and Anthony, both 6, were born just a handful of days apart. They like to tell people they’re “twins with different mommies.”
“We’re constantly telling a small version of their story,” said Sarah, 33.
As another November and another National Adoption Month comes to a close, it seems the stigma around adoption continues to lessen. It’s OK to be adopted. It’s OK to have adopted and nonadopted children in a family.
In 2009, the Desjarlaises were trying to build their family, but were having trouble getting pregnant. Maybe childbirth wasn’t in the cards for them, they thought.
Zachery’s aunt, who’s a social worker for his tribe, suggested they look into adopting a Native American child. The Indian Child Welfare Act was enacted in 1978 after some tribal children were forcibly removed from their families and placed in non-Native foster homes, where they lost touch with their families and their culture, and many were abused. Among them was Zachery’s grandmother. She was taken from Rocky Boy and placed with multiple families, each time running away to return to the tribe.
Nowadays, when a Native American child is legally removed from their family and needs to be placed in foster care, the law preferences relatives first, then other members of the same tribe and then members of another tribe. That means the Desjarlaises could carve out a sort of foster care niche, being a family with tribe affiliations.
At that point, Sarah wrote a letter explaining her husband’s tribal ties and how the couple wanted to grow their family by adopting a Native American child. She sent the letter to every tribe in the West.
“Nobody does that. That’s like crazy lady stuff,” Sarah said with a laugh.
Just five days later, Zachery’s tribe replied to let them know that there were two babies from the Chippewa Cree Tribe who were in Oklahoma and needing homes. The Desjarlaises met the children and their non-Native foster parents over Thanksgiving.
After a lot of calling and back-and-forth work with Oklahoma and Washington agencies to finalize their foster license, the couple took the children home just before the new year.
Avi and Anthony were about 5 1/2 months old at the time. Their biological mothers are sisters. The adoptions were finalized about a year and half later, just weeks before — surprise — Abe Desjarlais was born. For a while, the Desjarlaises had their hands full with a baby and two young children.
Going through the process of becoming foster parents and then adoptive parents, the Desjarlaises learned how great the need is. Sarah helped start the Office Moms program at the Vancouver Department of Social & Health Services office. The all-volunteer group looks after children who’ve just been removed from their families while social workers find foster homes for them.
The program has expanded to other counties in Washington.
In 2013, after finding their footing as parents, the Desjarlaises looked to help out again and foster another Native American child.
That’s how they ended up with Atticus, who at 2 1/2 months old was at a home for medically fragile children in Clark County.
“He had a rough start because he was drug-affected,” Sarah said.
It was supposed to be a temporary thing because Atticus was believed to have lots of family. And, the Desjarlaises had prepared themselves emotionally to let him go when the time came. But Atticus didn’t have as much family as previously thought, and the state couldn’t find suitable parents within his Cherokee tribe.
Last month, Atticus’ adoption was finalized.
It was kind of serendipitous that the Desjarlaises got to adopt all three of their foster children. The process doesn’t always work out that way, and parents interested in fostering should know that going in, Sarah said. Volunteering as an office mom or office dad can help people learn more about the foster care system and figure out if it’s something they want to pursue.
“You have to be willing to get your heart broken, to put yourself out there,” Sarah said. “What happens, happens.”
With Atticus, they already had three children. So, Avi, Anthony and Abe had to know that Atticus might not be around for long.
“Until the judge signs on the dotted line, their future is uncertain,” Zachery said.
“It’s really hard to put your own kids out there to be vulnerable,” Sarah said. “We’re teaching our children to love unconditionally no matter the cost.”
As the children grow up together, they’re being introduced to the customs and cultures of their heritage. All four kids have regalia for powwows.
Next year, Avi will inherit a buckskin dress, an heirloom passed down through the Desjarlais generations.
“I danced. My sisters danced,” Zachery said.
His family is big on powwows and traditional foods. The Desjarlaises would like to get their children more involved with the school system’s Native American Education Program. This year, the Title VII program moved to a portable at Burnt Bridge Creek Elementary School.
There are powwows, pot lucks, drum-making classes and movie nights featuring Native American films, along with connections to resources and events around the region.
Everything the children learn about the past — their own and their ancestors’ — will become part of their stories.
