Tango Bravo Foxtrot.
Sure, I thought it was a bit of a strange name, but who the heck am I to judge? Plus she’s a professional dancer. Maybe Daddy knew all along she’d end up on the hardwood floor with moves like Jagger.
Or maybe — just maybe — Arthur Murray Dance Studios tells its professionals if someone like me walks through the front door (dramatic pause required here), play it safe and give them a fake name.
Me? Really?
• o o
So what’s a guy like me doing in a joint like Arthur Murray’s? And with a young lady named Tango, no less?
Well, it just so happens I’m part of the “Dancing With The Local Stars” event this year. And the concept for this thing is pretty sweet: The Fort Vancouver National Trust gets a few community members to agree to get on stage and dance for a good cause. Then (I’m not kidding here) more than 350 people will pay good money to see us do our thing. And what exactly is “our thing“? At least for me, that’s still unclear.
Look, I can’t speak for the other local stars, but the only way I figure I was selected was someone thought I was Lou Piniella. All us Lous look alike.
• o o
So it was clear from the beginning that I had dance issues. And that’s where Arthur Murray comes in. They’re supposed to take lost souls like me and save us.
Enter Tango.
The first thing Tango tells me is this whole dance thing is really pretty simple.
“Think of everything as an eight count.”
What I didn’t tell Tango is why I’m a journalist. Most people think we reporter types get into the business because we love interviewing people, enjoy doing something different every day and find it noble that we’ve taken a vow of poverty.
Nope.
We’re in journalism because we can’t do math. And an eight count sounds suspiciously like math. At least that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Tango, by the way, is super talented. The 23-year-old — who lives in Vancouver but works out of the Beaverton, Ore., studio — has been dancing since she was 5.
“Dad taught me to swing at family dance nights. Now I teach Dad,” she tells me.
And she’s bright, to boot. She has an associate degree and is back in school to get her bachelor’s degree in biology.
• o o
I suspect Arthur Murray’s team can teach just about anybody to dance. But what I liked most about the instructors was this sense of social community they foster.
I mostly practiced early in the afternoon, when there were only a few dancers on the floor. But when I did a dress rehearsal late on a Monday night, the joint was rockin’! The floor was packed for waltzes (and other stuff), and there was this sense of togetherness that really impressed me.
Of course, my focus had to be on — well — surviving. Could Tango do anything with the mess (me) that was handed to her?
Well, you’re welcome to be the judge of that.
Tonight, at the Hilton Vancouver Washington, it’s game on. Doors open at 5 p.m. and I’m told there will be a limited number of tickets sold at the door. First come, first served.
• o o
Of course, I’m not the only one dancing. There are seven other folks who — I guarantee you — are better than me. Here they are:
There’s Scott Campbell, who works for Waste Connections. He’s sinewy, saucy and sexy. He should clean up. Dave Henderson is with the Vancouver Police Department. I’ve seen some of his moves. They should be against the law. Katie Atkins-Castillo was a professional dancer. Wait. What? Hey Dave, is that legal? OK, she has opened a Life Pilates studio, and I’m sure she’s forgotten everything she ever learned on the dance floor.
There’s also Pat Jollota, a former Vancouver city councilor and resident history buff who has a goal of doing 17 community events … every day!
Heidi Scarpelli, city fire marshal, is with us. Maybe you’d like to light a few sparklers to celebrate Heidi’s routine? How does a night in the hoosegow sound?
Don’t forget Patti Westby from Battle Ground. She works with nonprofits. Hey, I’m treading lightly here. She helps nonprofits!
Finally, there’s Dan Wyatt, who has taken over the Kiggins Theatre. I know Dan from his Pop Culture days when he made a mean Chicago Dog. He claims to have a background in film, but let’s hope he’s better at dancing then he is at picking the three best movies ever. This guy left “The Godfather” off his list. Mama mia!
• o o
So let’s party, Vancouver and Clark County. This is the best place to live, ever! (Well there is an island off the Florida coast that …) Hey, one more thing about my partner, Tango. Among all her other attributes, she’s a great sport. Her real name is Kaylyn Haynes. And Kaylyn, if you’re interested, lunch is on me. (She doesn’t read this column, so I don’t think I’ll ever have to pay off.)
