All I want for Christmas is my … colonoscopy?
No, really. I’m not kidding.
The stats
Look, men of a certain age (like over 50) should get a colonoscopy. Women, too! Why? Just look at the sobering stats:
• More than 125,000 people will be diagnosed with colon cancer before this year is out. Of those, more than 50,000 will die of it.
• Even with the just-mentioned statistics, 40 percent of those who are recommended to get the screening simply won’t do it.
• Colorectal cancer is the third-leading cause of cancer deaths.
• Early colorectal cancer often has no symptoms, but if caught early, it can be beaten.
My tonsil experience
Let me give you one other stat. I am the world’s biggest wimp. Period.
The only time I was in a hospital for anything even remotely serious, I was just a kid getting my tonsils out. I remember it to this day. The doctor and the nurse were standing over me explaining they were about to put this thingy over my nose to knock me out, and they suggested I begin to count backwards from 100.
Instead, I began to fight both of them until they called another nurse over to hold me down.
I got to 98.
The next thing I remember is the doctor telling me I could eat all the ice cream I wanted for the next couple of days.
The doc’s suggestion
So fast-forward to present time. I was in my regular doctor’s office going over my blood work, and it all looked good. Even got my cholesterol number down.
Then my doctor says, “Hey, at your age, you should get a colonoscopy.” I thought about that tonsil incident and was happy to reply, “You crazy!”
I did come to my senses quickly and reluctantly made the appointment.
The preparation
In most cases, you don’t just call up and schedule something for the next day. Stuff is backed up, no pun intended. And besides, you need at least a week to go through the prep process.
First thing, stop eating seeds. Apparently, if the hulls from seeds hang around in your colon, they can appear to be growths. No big deal.
But when you’re a day out, well, that’s when the fun begins. You’ll be instructed to, ah, clean yourself out with a few pills and a cocktail drink that you can buy at most drugstores. On the day of the procedure, take a little more of the drink, and you’re good to go. (No pun intended again!)
Also, arrange for someone to drive you home. You’ll be under “conscious sedation” for the procedure, and to be safe, don’t drive.
Wonderful experience
I ended up at the Advanced Gastroenterology/Advanced Endoscopy Center in Salmon Creek. It’s an outpatient clinic where they average 5,300 colonoscopies a year. About 1 percent end up with a colon cancer diagnosis. Dr. Amit Sadana would be doing my colonoscopy. He was wonderful. Very calming, very professional. My one request was to go easy on the sedation. He agreed.
I was wheeled into the procedure room, hooked up to a few monitors, and in about 15 minutes, it was over.
I was alert the entire time, saw the entire procedure on a monitor and remembered everything. Dr. Sadana found two small polyps, which he removed. He was very reassuring that everything looked good, and I was out the door.
Finding polyps, by the way, is very common. They are removed because it is thought that some polyps could later form into cancer. Mine were benign, as most are.
Shortly after the procedure, I joked with my wife, “Hey, let’s do that again!”
It was that easy.
So now my traumatic tonsil experience has been replaced with a smooth-as-silk colonoscopy.
• • •
So consider taking me up on my suggestion to get one of these. It will give you some peace of mind. And you’ll have an even greater New Year. I promise!
