Any depictions of real people in this column are strictly coincidental. Honest!
Good morning class. My name is Professor Brancaccio and welcome to Public Relations 101.
We’ve got some news out there that might be worth a good discussion today.
The city of Vancouver just announced it will be hiring a “communications manager/public information officer” that will cost taxpayers about $100,000 a year.
This hiring will be going on at about the same time the city is cutting millions of dollars to make ends meet.
Thoughts?
Yes, Steven?
I think it’s important for the city to have this public relations person so they can get a good message out to the people.
Fredo?
Hogwash. The only thing a P.R. flack does is isolate the decision-makers from having to actually talk to the public or the press.
OK, anyone else?
Danni, your thoughts?
Seems like money well spent to me.
Yes, Fredo?
Hello? $100,000? Are you kidding me? To do something the mayor and the council and other higher-ups should be doing anyway? Please. Government keeps paying outrageous sums because they’re dealing with funny money or — put another way — taxpayer money.
OK. So, class, what do you feel the main role is for any public relations person?
Jake?
Well, I would say it’s to get the truth out there about whatever product they are trying to sell or whatever point they’re trying to make.
Fredo?
Not sure what 1950s textbook that came from, but a P.R. flack’s main goal is to spin a product or point to fit what the boss wants it to be.
Flacks are a lot like good defense attorneys. Telling the entire story — telling the truth — is not the goal. Making lemons taste like lemonade is the goal.
Yes Hannah?
Professor Brancaccio, shouldn’t there still be at least one person like that on the city’s payroll?
Fredo, do you have something to add?
Indeed. Do the research. The city already has P.R. flacks in the police department, the fire department and in public works. They could have simply elevated one of these folks to oversee this growing area of government. But I guess three ain’t enough.
Class, do you think the city leaders realized, when they decided to hire for this position, that there would be some — excuse the pun — flack?
Jimmy?
I suspect the city looked at all the upsides and downsides and thought of any possible consequences.
Fredo?
Is anybody home or did this entire class just get transported to the “Twilight Zone”? The city just keeps on keepin’ on. The made-for-cable movie will be out next week: “Clueless in the ’Couv.”
Fredo, you’ve been out of line for most of this class. If you are so down on public relations, why are you even in this class?
Keep you friends close and your enemies closer.
What do you mean by that?
Professor Brancaccio. Paisan. You miss the best movie ever made? Look, part of P.R. is pretending to be your friend, but you should always be wary of them.
As professor of this class, I will not allow you to trash this noble profession. I knew you were trouble all along, Fredo. Get out!
o o o
OK, class, let’s continue. Let’s try something easier than dealing with this city thing. Who has some ideas on a campaign for Tonya Harding? Anybody?
Lou Brancaccio is The Columbian’s editor. Reach him at 360-735-4505 or lou.brancaccio@columbian.com.
