SURVIVORS PANEL
The YWCA will host a panel on which women describe their own experiences with domestic violence. It's set for 1 to 3 p.m. on Oct. 27 at 3609 Main St. Call 360-696-0167.
RED FLAGS
According to information from the YWCA Clark County and the Minnesota-based Domestic Abuse Project, you may be headed for danger if your partner does any of the following:
o Treats you roughly -- physically or verbally.
o Investigates your whereabouts and your contact with others.
o Dictates how you dress.
o Puts down your friends and family.
o Tells you that jealousy is a sign of love.
o Threatens to commit suicide if you leave.
o Limits your actions, travels and friendships.
o Controls the household money.
o Destroys your belongings.
o Threatens to hurt you, your family, friends, support people or pets.
o Forces you to have sex in ways or at times that are uncomfortable to you.
o Touches you in ways that hurt or scare you.
o Tells you that your fears are not important.
o Blames you for the abuse.
SELF-CHECK
Are you being abusive? Here's a checklist from the Domestic Abuse Project.
o Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse him or her of cheating or lying?
o Are you extremely jealous or possessive?
o Do you have an explosive temper?
o Have you hit, kicked, thrown things at or treated your partner roughly?
o Do you become violent when using alcohol or drugs?
o Do you constantly criticize or insult your partner?
o Do you threaten or intimidate to get your way?
o Have you ever forced, threatened or berated your partner into sex?
o Have you ever physically threatened your partner?
o Have you threatened to harm yourself or someone else if your partner breaks up with you?
HELPING FRIENDS
If you are concerned about a friend who's living with domestic violence or abuse, here are ways you can help.
o Say something. Tell your friend you are willing to listen. Don't force the issue, but allow your friend to confide at his or her own pace. Don't blame your friend. Support your friend's right to make independent decisions.
o Focus on strengths. Your friend is probably living with a constant stream of negative messages and insults. Bolster your friend's self-esteem by pointing out skills and strengths. Emphasize that your friend deserves a life free from fear and violence.
o Guide your friend to community services. If your friend can't figure out what to do, point out confidential resources such as the YWCA.
o Help create a safe plan. If your friend wants to end the relationship, help figure out a way to stay safe, consulting with experts if possible. Things may get volatile and dangerous if the abuser feels a loss of control.
--Compiled by Scott Hewitt