I was hanging out at the library when I noticed a red, white and blue book with the word “Confidential” written on it, just sitting on a table.
No one was around, so I slowly approached.
In much smaller letters, the words “Don’t leave this just sitting on a library table!” were written.
Hey, stuff happens.
I decided to open it. And there — to my surprise — was the real title:
“Everything you need to know to be a successful conservative blogger.”
Yikes! Sounded important. And I began to feel sorry for the pagliaccio who left this unattended. I smell double-secret probation.
I didn’t know how much time I had, so I rifled through it quickly. And since I’m a journalist, I feel compelled to let you in on this stuff. OK, here goes:
Page 1: The United States hasn’t been the same since it lost its #1 enemy, the Great Red Menace. That’s because we all need something to rally against.
When there is no clear enemy, create one. For conservative bloggers, the enemy is clear. It’s the mainstream media. They are our Great Red (Liberal) Menace!
We bloggers must set us up as an alternative to them. It’s the only way for our blogs to stay in business!
Hey, wait … one … second. I’m thinking The Columbian has always been a moderate voice in the community. We’ve supported both liberal and conservative viewpoints. For example, in addition to supporting some Democrats this year, we supported Republicans Jamie Herrera for Congress and Dino Rossi for U.S. Senate.
This year, we also supported measures to rescind the candy tax, to require a two-thirds vote of the state Legislature to raise taxes and to reject a state income tax. All admittedly conservative stances.
How do all these conservative stands square with painting us as the liberal enemy?
I found the answer on Page 2:
And if by chance the mainstream media takes some conservative stances or supports some conservative candidates, simply ignore it.
Are you listening!!! I said ignore it!!! If they say something that sounds conservative, call it an anomaly and get back to beating them up!
(Anomaly: deviation from the normal.)
Was there more? I quickly turned to Page 3:
Hey, the end. You think I’m writing a novel or something? If you need more info, read pages 1 & 2 again. I need to watch Stupid Pet Tricks.
o o o
Sure, my conservative blogging friends won’t be happy with my exposing “the book.” I’ll take my whuppin’ on their blogs. But I’ll do it with a smile.
And — hold on — before you draw any conclusions about my view on conservative bloggers, read on.
Truth is, I believe they’re worth reading.
Sure, some of them have got a lot of buffoonery in them, but they’re fun to read.
Still others have valid viewpoints. And even if you disagree with those valid viewpoints, so what? It’s good that we have places to discuss those disagreements. That’s what makes this country great.
I’ll even give a shout-out to Lew Waters, who writes a conservative blog.
It’s often critical of me and of The Columbian. But my sense is he’s a thoughtful guy, simply trying to get his views out there. He’s worth reading.
So as we approach Thanksgiving, let’s give thanks to our ability to celebrate our differences.
(And go to the library. Who knows what book you might find!)
Lou Brancaccio is The Columbian’s editor. Reach him at 360-735-4505 or lou.brancaccio@columbian.com.
