Picking locales based on politics

Let’s say you’re a nervous Democrat, lost on your way to a north county campsite (or your favorite patch of, you know, arugula) and hoping to avoid the Bates Motel treatment in Outer Hicksville. Where can you find your kind?

Here’s rule 1 of party preference in Clark County, based on the gubernatorial primary: the closer homes are to each other, the more likely they are to contain Democrats.

In the whole 18th Legislative District, which basically consists of everybody who doesn’t have a Vancouver or Brush Prairie address (plus Salmon Creek and Felida), Democratic Gov. Chris Gregoire broke 50 percent in exactly two of 179 precincts — and both of them include downtown Camas.

Do not under any circumstances visit the county’s largest precinct, surrounding Yacolt — Dino Rossi voters will outnumber you more than 3-1 (though in downtown Yacolt, that ratio is a mere 5-3).

If you’re picking a city to live in, your order of preference is Vancouver, Camas and Ridgefield. In Battle Ground, you want the north side of town — it’s actually more liberal than Ridgefield.

Let’s say you’re a lonely Republican looking for like-minded tax-haters in Vancouver’s vast socialist wasteland. Where can you find your kind?

In the whole 49th Legislative District, which basically consists of west and central Vancouver plus the urban area south of 205, only six of 57 precincts backed Rossi. Most were in places you’d expect, eastward and northward into the country. But there was one exception, the single island of GOP support inside the City of Vancouver: the big-lot houses along the Columbia River at the western tip of Lemon Island, just east of the Riverview neighborhood.

Do not under any circumstances visit the Rose Village area, at Grand and Fourth Plain — Gregoire voters will outnumber you nearly 3-1.

If you’re picking a city to live in, your order of preference is Battle Ground, Washougal and La Center. In Battle Ground, you want the west side of town — not far from the site folks are saying might become a new Wal-Mart. See? That worked out well.

And what if you’re an independent? A political cosmopolitan, who thrives on contrast, debate and (God forbid!) moderation? Who takes one egg sunny-side-up and the other over-easy, so you’ll always know for sure which one is best?

Why, in that case, friend, you’re moving to west Hazel Dell. North of 99th Street and west of Hazel Dell Avenue, you’ll find the 453rd precinct, the most perfectly divided in Clark County: 177 votes for Rossi, 177 for Gregoire.

— Michael Andersen

Democrats sometimes complain that Republicans try to verbally emasculate them, but this time the GOP seems to have taken it to a new level.

The Republican National Congressional Committee routinely puts out news releases mocking U.S. House Democrats for their votes.

On Thursday, the RNCC accused Congressman Brian Baird and other House Democrats of voting for a “sham” energy bill before heading home, but the committee made a gender boo-boo.

“Showing concern over her (yes, gentle reader, her] re-election odds,” the release begins, “Rep. Brian Baird (D-WA) voted today to adjourn Congress for another vacation without making sure that energy legislation is enacted.”

— Jeffrey Mize